Today is International Women's Day in Vietnam (as well as a slew of other countries besides the U.S.) - it's a holiday where all the men show their appreciation for the opposite sex by presenting them with flowers and gifts, as well taking over household tasks such as cooking and cleaning. Kind of a Mother's Day/Teacher Appreciation Day/Secretary's Day/Valentine's Day rolled up into one. Toli's students have been filing into the office, one by one, presenting the staff with flower bouquets. Poor Toli has taken a lot of ribbing - everyone keeps reminding him to get me something, and he's been responding with, "Have you seen Christine's shopping bill yet?"
I'm surprised that this isn't a major holiday in the States actually - Hallmark could probably use another income stream between Valentine's Day and Easter. Maybe they just don't appreciate us ladies as much in the States...or maybe every day is considered Women's Day considering the level of equal rights we have. Or maybe it's just a stupid economical reason, like, the flower producers haven't sufficiently recovered from the onslaught of demand from Valentine's Day - who knows?
Anyway, I promised a major update from the wedding we attended last Saturday. We took a lot of pictures, so hopefully those will be available sometime soon. I can't promise that what I'm about to relate is totally accurate, as my knowledge of Vietnamese weddings comes from adapted traditions practiced by the Vietnamese-Americans back in the States. And it seems to me now that these bastardized East-meets-West traditions have now made it over to Vietnam. (Kind of like how restaurants in Mexico now serve chips and salsa as an appetizer - not because it's a Mexican tradition, but because visitors to Mexico expect it since all the Mexican restaurants in the States serve it.) Am I making any sense?
So - the wedding festivities all started when Toli and I came to the bride's house to await the groom's family. Toli caused a bit of a stir being the only Westerner around, and one of the bride's uncles took it upon himself to chat up Toli in both French and English. It was cute. The guests all stayed downstairs, feasting on tea, pumpkin seeds, cookies, and cigarettes, until the groom arrived with a large procession of family and friends to claim his bride. We didn't see this part, because it all took place upstairs and the tiny house was so full of people, but apparently what happened was that the mother of the groom asked permission to take the bride home with her. She presented the bride with a gold necklace, the two families shared tea, and the bride and groom paid their respects to the family altar.
Then we all traveled en masse to the groom's house on the other side of town (which was a bit chaotic, involving lots of people cramming into cars and caravaning across town) where there was a similar set up of tea and refreshments for the guests. Here, the bride's family was welcomed by the groom's side. The happy couple exchanged rings, the bride received another piece of gold jewelry, and the bride and groom proceeded upstairs to pay their respects to the groom's family altar. Then after that, all the bride's family was welcomed upstairs to show their approval for the bride's new living quarters. There was much noise and picture-taking, and I think the poor bride was pretty exhausted from the photographer ordering her about and posing her every which way.
Finally, we all traveled then to the hotel where they held the reception. The reception is pretty similar to a Western one - sumptuous food (12 courses!), loud music, a little pomp, and lots of drinking and merriment. Toli got a huge kick out of the music in particular - the father of the bride is a popular musician in town, so he was able to line up quite a few singers and musicians - everything from a Sinatra-esque sort of guy in a white evening suit to four teenage singers ala Spice girls to even two guys belting out an on-key but heavily-accented rendition of Air Supply's "All out of Love". The reception went by rather quickly, though - about 2.5 hours from start to finish - most Vietnamese-American receptions go pretty late into the night with a lot of dancing.
Some interesting things to note:
*Clothing-wise, the bride and groom went all Western-style with a suit and the big white poufy dress. I was surprised since even I had ordered a red ao dai for my wedding and managed to convince Toli to don one (the groom's is usually blue) as well. On the brighter side, they kept the same outfit on the whole day, unlike the myriad of dress changes that often occur in Vietnamese-American weddings in the States.
*There's something really special about the wedding ceremony taking place in the homes of both families - it feels very intimate and personal, more about two families coming together rather than a big huge party. Unfortunately, distance makes this kind of thing either difficult or impossible for weddings in the States. Two recent Vietnamese-American weddings I attended had to use proxy-houses to stand in for the groom's house since using the real house would involve traveling by more than a few hours or even travel cross-country. I mean, for my own wedding, we would have had to charter a plane to and from Greece to do this properly!
*Probably one of the better aspects of having a Vietnamese wedding is that guests usually give money instead of gifts. Let's be honest here - the best thing for a couple starting out is cold hard cash, and the whole etiquette thing in the States about having a bridal registry and not asking for money is just baloney in this gal's opinion. Just cut to the chase and cough up the cash.
*Lastly, and Toli will wholeheartedly disagree with me on this one, a Vietnamese wedding just doesn't seem as cheesy to me when it takes place in Vietnam. All the pomp and circumstance and the gaudy decorations somehow fit the context here - it feels real and fun instead of staged and contrived. Of course, as I said, Toli doesn't really think so - to him, most weddings are simply cheesy and contrived to start off with, and I can see his point.
Anyway, I hope we can get the pictures up soon to give you a better idea of what it's like. In all, it was a really wonderful experience to be part of, and Toli and I both feel blessed that we came in time to witness such a special event.
Posted by Christine at March 8, 2004 04:19 AM